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| All writings are copyrighted under Kenya Mack. |
I beg to differ. If I feel that a friendship, or relationship, has run its course, then I simply let go. Just because I decide to release someone from my personal life does not mean I don’t forgive them for their wrongdoing. Hell, it doesn’t mean that they were the only ones who did anything wrong. My peace of mind and my friendship is all too valuable to hand it out freely to anyone. Sure, no one is perfect, but if a person’s victim mentality or personal problems begin to have a negative impact on my peace of mind, then it’s time to make some necessary changes.
For instance, I once had a friend who created the drama in her life. She cheated on her cheating husband with a man who didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. He would take the food out of her refrigerator that should have been there to feed her own four children. Day after day, she would call me to vent and I eventually grew tired of it. I ended up asking her not to even talk to me about this guy or her husband because it was all a bunch of drama. Of course, she played the victim role and questioned the validity of our friendship. However, she failed to realize that I was being more of a friend to her than I was previously. If we are not honest with our friends about them being part of the blame for their own tribulations, how can we even think we are being genuine? I want friends that tell me when I’m being an asshole and need to change my behavior. I want friends to tell me to do better. I don’t want co-signing people, who can’t think and act on their own, bringing me down and lowering my standards in life.
Eventually, I had to evaluate the validity of our friendship as well. I wasn’t perfect in all that I did in our friendship, but my loyalty could never be questioned. We both had our good and bad days, and we could damn sure get snappy with one another. However, I never did anything sneaky behind her back or sent subliminal (punk ass) shots via the internet about her because I could hit her phone at any time and tell her exactly how I felt. On the other hand, she was the reason our friendship ended. She did sneaky things behind my back and slandered me in a subliminal manner online. I could have easily done the same and probably damaged people’s good perception of her with the information that I have, but I chose to be the bigger person. Now, she continues to be all in her feelings because I simply stopped talking to and dealing with her. I honestly don’t even think about her on a daily basis. Why? Because I’m at peace with knowing I did my part; she didn’t. I never talked to her husband or lover behind her back and I never talked bad about her to other people. If I ever said anything about her to anyone, it was to say our friendship was coming to an end and the reasons why. There isn’t a person who ever call her out of her name for cheating on her husband and having some random lover that she dated for two months around her children. I never took personal shots at her life because I haven’t lived a perfect life myself. I’ve been the other woman before. I’ve made mistakes. I can be a real bitch if a person catches me at the wrong time, but my love can never be questioned. I just need my space when I need it, and that’s no one’s fault but my own. I digress. The point is, this person gave me almost every reason to realize she wasn’t the friend I thought she was. However, when I ended our friendship, my loyalty came into question. Isn’t it ironic?
It’s funny how when friendships/relationships end, we realize there were signs there all along that the person should never have been considered a friend. I remember a guy I previously dealt with showing me the various conversations and messages she sent, thinking I would never know. Of course, she cried about how he was trying to ruin our friendship; and when he and I were at odds, our so-called friendship “grew closer”—or so I thought. THAT should have been a sign that she was a sneaky non-friend, (lol).
I have no regrets, though. I learned a lot during the years of our “friendship”, and I’m most grateful for her time in my life and the learned lessons that came about because of her presence in my life. I hope that one day she can find it in her heart to let my sudden disappearance from her life go. It is what it is. I still love her dearly, but our season has passed. I harbor no ill feelings toward her. Sometimes, I wonder why she holds so much hostility in her heart towards me and what I’m accomplishing, but I can’t be worried about the makings of her mind. My grandmother always said, “Never let anybody live rent-free in your mind.” If I didn’t conduct myself in the process of elimination that I do, I wouldn’t have peace of mind. I would be living my life according to others’ opinions and actions. That’s not what I was born for. I control me and my actions—nothing else.
On a brighter note, things are going great! I’ve lost a few pounds this week, my healthy lifestyle (Weight Watchers) is a “positive, motivating force within my life” (Isley Brothers, lol), Kamiya is growing and amazing me on a daily basis, Greg and I are doing exceptionally well, I’ve accomplished some goals and other are nearly accomplished, I have steady work, I’m back in the groove of school again, and I’m just happy. Very genuinely happy! Everyday isn’t perfect, but dammit, I’m happy! :-)
Peace, Love, and Light to all. xoxo
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